The Three Wisemen...

Here are my three beautiful grandsons. On many occasions they can just as easily be referred to as the "three stooges". According to Uncle Jonathan's confused childhood knowledge of men who travel in groups of three, they will miraculously transform into the "Three Wisemen" by the time they are all grown up.

Look Mom...Windy Can't Hurt Me Now!!!!

This was probably the only time that Jonathan had control over Windy. If he had known that she was going to terrorize his life, he probably would have left her there and had a nice, calm, pleasant life as the only child.

Dumb-Struck, IS Stuck

My last story proves that a few things I attempt are insanely stupid. Not to worry....it is my masterful and creative problem solving for which I earn my medals for brilliance.

This story is about another of my genuis plans gone very dumb and very dangerous. I am telling this story for my family members who are impatient (if you are the one family member who is patient, you do not need to read any further).

Okay, so when I moved to Longview from Beckville, most of the Duckworths and several friends helped me get all by belongings from one house to the other. My furniture was set up in all the rooms and the boxes were placed in the rooms where they were to be unloaded. I couldn't have asked for more. Except I really wanted my upright freezer put in the storage room inside the garage. Well, everybody was tired and that might require doors being removed just to get it where I wanted it. I didn't want to put anyone out....they had already done so much.

I left the freezer in the garage for a few weeks, but every time I walked in or out of the house, the thought of it being tucked away in the storage room weighed heavily on my heart. So, what do you think I did? YEP!!! Moved it myself. It wasn't going to be that difficult. I still had a dolly, for crying out loud. I got the tape measure and took a few "Bob the Builder" measurements. I decided to take the door off of the storage room to give me a healthy inch on either side of the freezer when I was ready to make my way through the doorway. About that time, I noticed that I was going to have to get the freezer up and over about a 5-6 inch step to get it into the storage room. I pondered on this for a few seconds and this is what I decided to do...

Get the freezer strapped securely to the dolly, back up to the doorway and pull the freezer up and into the room (which by the way is about 6' X 6'). Sounds pretty simple, huh! That's what I thought. Well, I couldn't really foresee any problems, so I put the plan into action. I get the freezer backed up to the doorway and lined up so that neither side would hit the facing. Now, in order to make this plan work, I get myself inside the storage room, grab the handles of the dolly and gently roll the freezer back until it hits the 5-6" step. The top of the freezer is leaned back into the storage room with me, but I have to get the dolly wheels up over the step. My first attempt to pull the freezer in was just a normal pull. Enough, I thought to accomplish the task. Wrong. No matter what I did or how hard I pulled, I could not get the freezer over the step.

I was not a happy camper. By golly, I was not going to wait another day for someone to come help me. I was gonna do this now. I pumped myself up because I knew this was going to be my final attempt. If I wasn't successful this last try, I was going to give up. So I pulled with all my might, one last time, harder by far than any other time.

I pulled so hard that I lost my balance. My feet actually slipped and I fell to the ground. The freezer came with me, all in one split second, and hit me so hard across the top part of my legs that I wondered had I possibly broken them. I thought I was dead. I whimpered and whinned a few long minutes and took stock of the situation. I am on the floor, flat on my back with a freezer across my leg. The freezer is half in the room and half out of the room. No room for me to get out unless I move the freezer and assuming that my legs aren't hurt too badly. Now I'll have to admit that the words STUPID and INSANE crossed my mind. I may have even thought to myself "You are not only very DUMB, you are very STUCK!!!! Well, after recovering the best that I could, I managed to get myself out from under the freezer and roll it out of the way enough for me to escape.

A few days later bruised heavily from battle, I went back to the garage, tilted the freezer back on the dolly and walked it forward up to the storage room door until the dolly wheels hit the step. With me in the garage this time and most of the bottom of the freezer already in the storage room, all I have to do now is allow the freezer to stand back up straight and it will be where I want it. WHAT A GENIUS! NOW, HOW SIMPLE DOES IT GET!!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE????

Dumb-De-Dumb Struck!!

Okay, this story is about yours truly. I am only telling you this because I know that most of you, if not all of you, have no idea about how independent-stricken I am, nor do you know of my competitive streak, or the fact that I believe that if a man can do it, a woman can do it better. (I have changed my mind on that, slightly, but that's another blog)
Alright, alright, so you do know these things about me, but what you really may not know is that I think I am a wonderful problem-solver, a brilliant schemer, a genius who is not only capable of masterminding plans to save the universe and my butt, I am fearlessly motivated when I hear the words "you can't".

A few weeks after John and I separated I was home by myself in Beckville when I decided to go out to retrieve something from my car. I had gotten in such a habit of locking the door as I went out that I locked myself out of the house. Okay, but not intirely an insane moment. I had my car keys and my cell phone. I know, you're thinking well if you have your car keys then why wouldyou not have your house key. And you are right. Normally, that is exactly where my house key would be. But since this is not a normal story you will understand that I had let Jonathan borrow it because he had lost his (completely believable). He planned to spend the night with his Dad and come home the next day.

Still no problem, I had my cell phone so I simply called Jonathan to have him come unlock the house. Wrong. Jonathan put the key in the glove box of his truck and his Dad was gone in his truck. Okay, so still no problem, I had my car. It was a school night and I did not want to go spend the night at Aunt Renee's and get up at 4:oo and meet Jonathan at the house to unlock the door for me. That would be the most logical and sane solution. THIS IS WHEN THE PLAN BEGAN TO DEVELOP IN MY HEAD.

I had only lived in this house for 3-4 months and had not had any reason to go exploring in the attic. However, I did know that there were two ways into the attic from inside the house. I'm thinking that if I can get up in the attic from the carport, it would be a piece of cake to make it to one of those inside the house attic openings. No problem....

Well, the attic opening was about 15 ft from the ground. No, it did not have a pull down ladder, just a stinking cut out. No problem, I had a ladder. But the ladder only got me up so high. Even standing on the top rung of the ladder I had to fully extend my arms above my head to just reach the opening. Somewhat of a problem. You have to be pretty strong to hoist yourself up that far, let alone get yourself positioned to make it through the hole. No thoughts of abandoning this genius scheme YET. Okay...so I am thinking. Well at least the hole is close to the wall so maybe I can use the wall to help me hoist myself upwards. (I AM ALSO SMART ENOUGH TO THINK ABOUT TAKING MY CELL PHONE WITH ME) I decide to go ahead and put my cell phone up inside the attic opening so that I would not have to worry about that minor detail when I had other things of magnitude to consider. I reached through the opening an decided to place the phone fairly close just in case. When I let go of it, it fell down between two ceiling joists or something, it was gone. So now the plan becomes more challenging. No phone to call anyone. But I still had my car, so I continued on with the plan.

The sun is slipping behind the trees. No, I do not have a flashlight. It would be inside the house! Well, I try and try and try to pull myself up into the attic. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. But I can't. On my very last effort, I made it. I am now in the attic where I wanted to be, with no flashlight, and I can't see 2 inches in front of me. No problem. I know the floor plan so I still think I can. Well, the thought to continue this brilliantly stupid hair-brained scheme lasted 15 more minutes. The amount of time it took me to make it only about 3 feet in with insulation rubbing against my legs that felt like spider webs and wires running across my ankles making me think snakes lived up there. It only took me a few seconds to make my way back to the carport opening. Yeah, No problem. Wrong. Do you know how difficult and dangerous it was to now have to lower myself back through the attic opening and land on a 5"X12" top rung of a ladder that is about 7 feet below me???? It's gonna really hurt if I miss!!!

4:00 was early at the Duckworth's the next morning!!!

Milk, It Does A Body Good

You know when I was a little girl, milk that made its way into our house did not always come from a cow or any other animal for that matter. I am going to tell this story because my childhood memories that are associated with milk have left me quite opinionated about milk and the various forms that are available. The milk that makes its way into my house must pass a few simple tests.
1)Visibility Test - It must come in a clear jug; so when held up to the light nothing can be seen through the milk. The milk I got as a little girl was at least 50% water, 50% milk. Thus my adamant rejection to any milk that is not 100% WHOLE milk, like 2%, 1% , skim milk, low fat, etc. If you can see one of your siblings across the table making faces at you through your glass of milk, chances are you do not have WHOLE milk.
2)Solubility Test - If Nestles Quick, Ovaltine (which is on the same line as 2% milk), or any other additives remain floating on the surface of the milk no matter how long you stir, chances are you do not have WHOLE milk.
3)Stick to Your Throat Test - If you drink a whole glass or even just one swallow and it doesn't feel like the milk is stuck to your tonsils, chances are you do not have WHOLE milk.
4)Taste Test - If it doesn't matter how hot or cold you get it...all it tastes like is water (which by the way has no flavor that I know of), chances are you do not have WHOLE milk.
5)Dip Test - If you dip an Oreo in it and the Oreo immediately disintegrates into the bottom of the glass before you can get it to your mouth, chances are you do not have WHOLE milk.
6)Liquid Test - If you spoon your milk into your glass before adding water, you definitely have powdered milk, which many moms attempt to pass off as real milk to their unsuspecting children. There is no chance you have WHOLE milk.
So now you know why I will only buy or drink 100% WHOLE milk.

And by the way, I learned at a very early age that the color of the cardboard cartons in which milk comes signifies the kind of milk within...Would you all agree that as a child if your mom said go in the store and buy WHOLE milk you could pick up a red and white carton and know without a doubt that it was WHOLE milk? Just as you would choose the blue and white carton if she asked for low fat, and the brown and white carton if you were lucky enough to ever get to buy chocolate milk. Well, with that knowledge firmly planted in my brain from my childhood, why would I think twice about opening a red carton of milk from the school cafeteria to pour into my coffee one day last winter when there was no coffee mate to be found. I very confidently and without thought chose the red and white carton which means WHOLE milk (very important to me as you can tell), NOT ANY MORE RED AND WHITE NOW MEANS STRAWBERRY!!!

Caci Obviously Missed Gardening 101

After reading your stories, Melissa and Caci, (and laughing like crazy) I thought I would share some stories that I have tucked away in my "Dumb Struck" file. I don't know how many of you know that Caci is now teaching at my school, so I get to see her every day. My first story is dedicated to her because she has truly had her hands full this year with the students in her class and I will blame them for her "dumb struck" thinking. You be the judge.....

The first week back to school in January after the Christmas break was my first glimpse of a Caci that I did not recognize as a member of our family. Let me explain...She and her class were preparing to plant tulip bulbs in her planter box as a part of a national study on the coming of Spring. Following the planting guidelines, Caci and her students went outside to fill their planter box with soil and plant their tulip bulbs. I had purchased several sets of gardening tools so that each student would have his own small hand shovel to use for the task. Caci's class had 3 large bags of potting soil, but I had warned her that it would not be enough to fill her planter box. She would need to add some sand from a nearby sandpile and mix it with the potting soil. "No problem" was the response I think she muttered through the excited buzz coming from her students. I wanted to take some pictures of the event so I ran back to my office to retrieve my camera. I was "dumb struck" when I returned to the planting site. I could not believe my eyes. Was this really Caci, my niece?

She was directing a process that was designed to move sand from the sandpile and into her class planter box. Let me describe the scene...Her students (15-20) were scooping a shovel of sand into their teaspoon-size hand utensils, kinda walk-running about 15 yards to their planter box, dribbling sand along the way, then half-heartedly flinging what little sand might possibly have survived the trip into the air somewhere above the planter box. How much sand do you suppose actually made it into the box?

As I was standing there in disbelief, you can imagine the thoughts running through my "Templin" mind. First, I had to watch this process a few more seconds to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. And then I was thinking, "There's something wrong with this picture".... and... "I wonder if Caci actually thinks this is working..." and "I wonder if she is just "dumb-struck".... and "I'm not believing my eyes!!!"

I walk over as calmly and in control as possible and say to Caci, "Caci, there are some buckets over there that the other classes used to move some sand to their planter boxes. Would you like to use them?" HA!HA!HA!

Caci said, "I'm not very good at getting things to grow and maybe the tulips aren't going to do very well" Do ya think???? Where was Caci when it was time to pick the garden?



The tulips did bloom and were gorgeous!!!!!